i met someone today. kinda interesting. successful. IT director for a pharma co. sa expensive area of LA nakatira. gwapo. after talking to him for a long while, he was saying na sexual insinuations. fishing about my sexual life agad. lalaki talaga dito sa amerika. kaya nawawalan ako ng gana makipag-date dito eh. mapa pilipino, mapa ibang lahi. pare-pareho. LOL. he was interesting at first, tapos we went personal na. after i told him i'd skip sex for love anytime nagiba na tono nya. LOL. at least he got my cue to back off.

i remember 2 years ago when someone suggested that i have a baby para daw maiba ang takbo ng buhay ko... para daw may kasama ako pag tanda ko. i asked him if that was his reason why he had kids. sabi nya, hindi naman. pero it would be nicer daw if i have someone by my side when i get old. sabi ko sa kanya, are you sure your kids would be by your side when you get old? di daw nya alam. i told him that having kids for that reason would be very selfish of me... na that would be a selfish act on my part. parang may gusto na agad akong role para sa anak ko para sa pagtanda ko. i told him i want a proper family for my child. if i have other reasons to have a child, i would. but not for that reason.

and i remember again, 5 years ago.... my boyfriend and i was talking about our kids to be. he wants me to be the mother of his kids daw. (how sweet!) but we were not ready to get married at that time-- and at the verge of our breaking up, i was so willing to have a baby with him. if that's the only part of him i can take home with me ... i would. i wanted to keep that part of my life to my grave. but at that time--- ayaw na ata nya akong maging nanay ng mga anak nya. nyehehehe.

good thing i don't feel that way for him anymore now.