i had a very interesting conversation with a bunch of friends last night- err.... morning. 230am at denny's gellert ave.

[person1] o, mak... bakit di ka pa nagaasawa?
[person2] oo nga. bakit di nyo pa totohanin ni *blank*? cute nga kayo eh. para kayong......
[mak] yoko nga.
[person3] bakit naman? buti nga may *blank* ka kahit papano no? yabang mo naman.
[mak] hindi naman sa ganun. kaw naman.
[person1] eh, bakit nga ayaw mo sa kanya?
[mak] di naman sa ayaw. kaya lang i need someone who speaks to my soul as well. di lang heart gusto ko, kasama soul.
[person3] ay sus. may pa soul-soul ka pa dyan. as in kaluluwa? hehe.
[person1] tanga.. spirit yun. no wonder di ka pa nga nagaasawa. maarte ka pala. *sabay tawa ng malakas*
[mak] let's put it this way. the three of you sing very well. when you go onstage, i know that you were born with the talent to sing. but not me. when i hear you sing, i know you have great voices. but when i see someone sing from the heart, naiinlove ako. kasi he speaks to my heart as well. even if all of you sing the same song, iba ang impact sakin ng kinakanta lang and kinakantahan. why? because that person touches my soul. actually, kahit hindi maganda boses nya, basta galing sa puso... maiinlove nako. better yet, itula na lang nya sakin. mahirap i-explain pero it's like art. art communicates with a specific soul. not everyone appreciates all forms of art. bakit? kasi each artist has his own audience... has his own soul to capture. and for me, i need for my soul to be touched as well.... not just the heart. gets nyo?
[person1] hinde rin.
[person3] so.. ok..... if he loves you naman.. e di it comes from the heart na rin. it comes from his soul din naman.
[person2] baka naman kasi you're a rightbrainer lang kaya ka ganyan magsalita and magisip.
[mak] kayo naman. tinatanong nyo ko kung bakit.... eh, ganun nga bakit.
[person2] eh, mak.... di naman lahat ng tao can express what they feel the way you want them. di naman lahat ng tao can be expressive.
[person1] oo nga. isn't it enough that he loves you? may pa soul-soul ka pa dyan. ang hirap naman pala ng gusto mo eh.
[person3] anong "soul" ba ibig mong sabihin?
[mak] bakit naman naging mahirap yun? is it wrong for me to ask for his heart? to know exactly how he feels and what he thinks? is that too muct to ask?
[person3] well..... yeah. for a person who's not as expressive, that's too much to ask. ano? he'll just blurt out his life and heart to you? you're leaving him vulnerable. magkakasakitan lang kayo.
[mak] di naman blurt out his lifestory. gusto ko lang naman... someone who is not afraid of himself. yun bang he'll allow me to accept his imperfections and flaws... and allow me to love him for that.
[person1] eh kung takot naman syang mawala ka kasi nasabi na nya yung ugly part of his heart? isn't his love enough for you to love him back?
[mak] that's where love comes in. if he can't be honest with what he feels, how does he expect me to understand him? ako na bahala dun sa ugly part nya. kung mahal ko talaga sya.... di importante yun.
[person3] di naman pala importante eh... why the need to know?
[mak] i have this need to go deeper beyond love.
[person2] i think you think too much.
[person1] i think so too.
[person3] i think mahihirapan ka kasi di lahat ng tao expressive. hindi lahat ng tao matapang. hindi lahat ng tao makwento. aanhin mo naman yung taong puro salita? mabulaklak ang dila? eh, suma tutal nung sinabi nya, mahal ka lang nya. pinahaba pa.
[mak] it's not that. i have this need to know how he feels towards me beyond words. behind those "i love yous". i need to know why he loves me.... hehehe.
[person1] can't you just trust what he says then that he loves you na lang?? simple as that? he loves you. period.
[person2] ibig mong sabihin, you can't give someone a chance if they can't sing to you the way you want to be sung to?
[mak] of course i will. actually, i help them express themselves with the right questions. most of the time, it frustrates me when i can't let them talk. if i can't get an ounce of their soul.
[person3] di kaya you need lang an ego boost?
[mak] i do that to them too. i tell them exactly how i feel. i ask questions din. i can be the biggest ego booster. i have the need to be super honest din with what i feel. feeling ko, he needs to know. kasi it's about him naman... kung mamasamain nya, wala na akong magagawa.
[person2] and? how do they respond naman?
[person1] ano? you expect him to open up agad kahit di mo pa boyfriend?
[mak] hmmm...... kung kaya nyang manligaw ng ganun, why not? kakakilig nga yun eh. reactions nila when i help them express their feelings? most of the time, successful ako. kapag hindi.... iniisip ko lang na di pa nya alam ang sagot sa tanong ko, kaya i give them more time to think. ang pinakafrustrating yung.... deadma lang. walang reactions whatsoever. di ko sure kung di nya naiintindihan sinabi ko or di lang nya alam talaga isasagot nya or di kami pwede talaga. ang pinakanakakainis... yung iniiwasan ang tanong ko. kapag ganun... nawawalan ako ng gana.
[person2] eh kung wala ngang isasagot eh... kung di nya alam pano sabihin.... pinipilit mo yung tao. eh kung nahihiya?
[person3] tsaka kung alam lang nya mahal ka nya? pano yun? di naman alam isasagot sa tanong mo? di n ga nakuha ni person1 yung "artsy-fartsy" analogy mo eh....
[person1] Hoy! naintindihan ko ha!!! ngayon ko lang nga nagets. hehe.
[mak] pambihira naman, all of us has an opinion on something. kung nakikinig ka talaga... may masasabi ka kahit papano. kapag walang maisagot kahit ano.... para na rin akong nagsalita sa pader.
[person1] bakit? do you have a ready answer for all questions? honest ka rin naman ba talaga? eh, pano kung pinagiisipan mo pa? or di mo pa talaga alam ang sagot at that specific point? or di ka pa sigurado sa nararamdaman mo? pano?
[mak] edi, sasabihin ko what i feel at that time. whether or not he'd like it, sasabihin ko. kung di ako sure, sasabihin ko rin na di pa ako sure and why. i'll ask him to give me time to think about it. ganun.
[person2] mahirap yang sinasabi mo.
[person3] i can't say na pihikan si mak. masasabi ko lang... you think too much.
[mak] anong pihikan? sabi ko nga, kahit di maganda ang boses, basta he speaks to my heart... ok na.
[person1] hindi. you need a poet. worse, you need a poet who speak your own language. malabo yan. walang ganyan.
[mak] believe me. meron. someone spoke to my soul na. he went deep into my soul no one has ever gone to.
[person2] hirap mo naman pala mahalin. may pasoul-soul ka pa dyan.

*dead silence for a couple of minutes siguro* hingi pa kami kape sa waitress.

[mak] pero, alam nyo. tama naman kayo eh. simple lang ang buhay. why make things complicated. the reason lang siguro i think na he touched my soul is because i loved him. period. mahal ko lang siguro sya at that time kaya ko nasasabi yun. well... he wrote me poems too that's why. hindi... love lang nga siguro yun. kala ko lang yung soul-soul na yun.
[person1] siguro. baka kahit di ka tinulaan nun... ganun pa rin ang feeling mo. kahit araw araw ka lang sabihan ng iloveyou nun feeling mo he touched your soul na. hehe.
[mak] i guess so. pero hindi.... mas madalas nga tahimik lang kami eh... magkahawak lang kami ng kamay. there's a lot in silence you know. and yet... we understood each other.
[person1] ang labo mo naman. sabi mo kanina... dapat i-express. ngayon naman kahit di kayo magusap. ano ba ginagawa nyo? nagsusulatan lang????? nagpapasahan lang kayo ng love poems???
[mak] hehe. oo. nice part is, he appreciated every single one of them. he appreciated my honesty. he appreciated my love for him. haaay naku. he thanked me for everything i did for him and felt for him. well.... thankful na tao lang siguro sya. oh well..... he touched my soul nga- but now he's gone. hehe.
[person3] ay sus. korek ka dyan.

*silence again*
[person3] so... sasagutin mo na si *blank*?
[mak] hindi pa rin.
[person3] bakit na naman?
[mak] eh... he doesn't speak to my heart eh. hehehe. he talks to me, pero he doesn't speak to my heart.
[person3] ay naku. balik na naman tayo sa umpisa.
[mak] eh bakit ba. basta.... ganun lang yun. ano ba magagawa ko?
[person3] ano magagawa mo? drive person1 home na. tulog na si person2. 330 am na. palibhasa wala kang pasok bukas.