it's bad enough that i am still going out with j... worse, when i am with him, i am thinking of someone else. how bad is that? there is someone i would rather spend time with, but don't think it's gonna happen. i see myself walking hand in hand with another person. i see him in the passenger seat of my car and thinking of things to say to him. i want to see him smile. i want to see his eyes to look into mine with no need for words. i want to hold his hand and tell him i love him. i want to hold him tight and not let go.
i told j i don't want to see him anymore. but knowing him... he'd still call me. but after what happened today... i think it's unfair to him that i am thinking of someone else to be with.